Hopes Falling

I've been so busy with homework that I haven't had time to go walk and jog Lipton like I should be. It's so depressing to sit here and see everyone else schooling 2's and 1's with their horses and I can't even ride mine. He looks okay when he jogs, but still not perfectly right. We're halfway through the treatment and rehab process, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel...kinda...but this is just really hard for me. There's one horse in the barn I can ride: Inky. I love him dearly, but he's not going to get me anywhere anymore. We maxed out and I'm happy with that, but I feel like even just hacking him now isn't going to be fun. I want Lipton back. I want to be able to go down to the barn and tack up that big Orange thing that my parents have invested so much money into. I want to be able to go into the arena and do half pass and changes and pirouettes. If nothing else, I want to be able to TRY. I hate how I've put so much time and energy and money into this and I'm not getting anything out of it anymore. And maybe I'm being a selfish teenager, but maybe I'm not. And right now I'm just feeling like giving up. Sigh. I just wish I could do SOMETHING. Anything.